Don’t wait, you never know what tomorrow holds! (6/14/15)

Today I had a good morning, and a rough afternoon, I know there will be many more of these ahead, and I will deal with them one at at a time and survive them all!
But today’s post is going to be a little bit of “preaching”. I hope that all the things that I bring up, you have already talked about, or worked on, I hope nothing of what I say makes you go “oh yeah, I/we should do that”, because if so, do it, do it soon, don’t let any more time pass, because you don’t know what tomorrow will bring. As you all know now, Aires and I talked about everything, planned everything, shared everything. This made things “easier” for me when he passed, one less thing I had to stress about.
– Have a Will and a Living Will. God forbid you both go at the same time, and your children are left behind, have you provided for them financially, and have you decided, legally, who will get to raise your children?
– Have a little notebook, somewhere in the house, where you both write every login and password to every website the other needs to login to in the event of being gone.
– Do you have a safe where you keep all documents, either at the bank, or in the house, but a central place for passports, birth certificates, SSN cards, anything else valuable?
– If you have a car that has been paid for, do you know where the Title is? You may need to sell it, or get rid of it, you need to know where the Title is. Keep it in a safe place, either the safe, or a file cabinet with other important files under the heading “KEEP”
– Same thing applies if you have land/properties that are paid for, I guess, have the Deed where you both know.
– Credit cards and some bills, ladies, especially if you’re staying at home moms like I am, make sure you have at least one credit card, if not two, and some of the utility bills in your name. Make sure that credit card is one of your primary ones. So when you are alone, and you need to get credit for something, you have a history of good credit! And you have a card in your name, instead of having to be approved to either keep the one that was in both your names with your husband being the primary holder.
– If you’re an organ donor, talk about it, don’t just go to the DMV and say yes, your spouse may not want to honor your wishes if you never talk about it.
– Are there things that are important to you that happen after you’re departed? Do you want to be buried, do you want to be cremated, do you want to be in an urn at home, do you want your ashes scattered, etc. I know, it’s morbid, talk about it, in the horrible possibility that you depart, it will make your spouse’s decisions so much easier, because they’re doing what you wanted. No second guessing, no indecision, no added stress.
I’m thankful that we had all these issues resolved, so when something came up, I knew exactly what Aires wanted, and I followed his wishes to the best of my abilities. When something came up to do with the truck, now the car (selling), I knew where the paperwork is. It’s not supposed to be fun, talking about these things, going into a lawyers office and telling them who will raise your children if you’re gone, but if you don’t do it, it’s so much worse! So grab a glass of scotch, or vodka (sorry I won’t tell you to grab wine, not strong enough), make it as lighthearted as you can, and talk about it. Organize yourself, you don’t know what tomorrow holds. Love you all.

What Aires wanted. (6/13/15)

First of all, I want to thank you all for your support (again), and kind of apologize for all the “depressing” posts. But sharing here, has been great therapy for me. And the support you’re all giving us is amazing. And if you’re having a nice weekend and don’t want to read it, I totally understand and won’t hold it against you in any way!
Some of you don’t know yet, many of you do, that Aires and I talked about everything, absolutely everything. We planned our lives, we knew what we wanted and had it all mapped out. Including what we wanted for a funeral God forbid one of us passed. Aires always said, he wanted to be cremated, and his ashes scattered in the Gulf of Mexico. The boys and I are keeping our vacation, that we’ve all been planning since January, and we will take Aires’ ashes down with us and have a little ceremony to scatter them off the waters of Anna Maria Island (which is where we planned to buy a house and retire).
But this is more to explain yesterday, Aires wanted a party for his funeral. He didn’t want us to mourn his passing, he wanted us to celebrate his life. I always promised I would try my best, but it would be very hard to make it a party party, I refused to get a DJ, but promised I would try to make it lighthearted and happy. I think I was able to pull it off. I didn’t do anything, actual work, but I did tell the girls what I wanted, and it all came out perfect, he would have been proud (the girls did an awesome awesome job!). Like I said he didn’t want me to cry at his “party”, he wanted me and everyone to celebrate his life, not mourn his death. I didn’t shed one tear all afternoon and I smiled and laughed and so did most everyone else. He wanted me to look “beautiful”, I tried to do that as well, no make up, but it wasn’t really the day for that. I think I mostly did what he wanted, and that made me happy. We had great yummy food, good drinks, everyone was mingling and talking, I saw many of you laughing, and it all made me happy, because I knew that’s what he wanted and he would have been happy too. It was lighthearted and beautiful, thank you all who came and celebrated his life.
The morning was hard, but we all knew it would be, no getting around that one. I was glad that I thought of our wedding church as soon as I had to think about a funeral church. And I was so thankful that I was able to do/have everything I asked for . I loved the service, it was beautiful, everyone who spoke touched us, couldn’t ask for a better tribute/goodbye.
All in all, it was a “good” day.
Having everyone here, standing room only, was awesome, the boys having a bunch of friends show up and play with them, was the only thing I really wanted for them, just an amazing amount of support.
Everyone had a memory or a story or something to share about Aires and I loved hearing all of them.

Starting at the… end. (6/12/15)

I know most of you have seen this post, but I wanted to start this blog in order, after all, let’s face it, my OCD wouldn’t let me do it any other way! 😉

 

I would like to thank everyone who came to the church service and/or the house to help us celebrate Aires’ life. He wanted it to be a “party”, not a mourning. He wanted laughter, lightheartedness, enjoyment and happiness. I think we were able to give him that, I know he was up there smiling at us and in wonderment of how many people thought the world of him. He was always very humble, this would have so amazed and surprised him. The ones of you who brought Josh and Jake’s little friends to play with them and distract them, thank you! I know it can’t be easy for little ones to go through this kind of thing, or even fully understand it, but you all made my babies day so much easier and for that you all who know me, know how much I appreciate you. In closing (I know, I go on and on…) to everyone who came, gave me a hug, said a kind word, talked about Aires with a smile on your face, tried to keep the tears back even though they were about to pop out, just plain showed up, I love you all and I thank you for showing me and my children that we have a legion of friends supporting us and taking care of us.