I hope everyone had a Happy Valentine’s Day!
For once I had a first that wasn’t as bad and as sad as all the previous ones and still some to come (not that the seconds, thirds and so forth are going to be any better).
Aires and I didn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day. It was all my doing, we were still single, though already engaged by our first Valentine’s Day, when I told him that I didn’t want to celebrate. I have never been fond of the idea that on this day girls get flowers and chocolates and jewelry and a fancy dinner, etc., etc. I wanted to be special, I didn’t want to get all of these because the calendar told him to, I didn’t want to get all of these because he was “supposed” to do it. To me there was no meaning in that.
I wanted to be special, because I was special. Over the years I reinforced this thought over and over again, and made it a point to not celebrate. I wanted to be appreciated because I just was, I wanted to be shown I was loved because I was, I wanted to be thanked because I deserved it, not because the calendar said this is the day to do it! The point was, any other day, if Aires wanted to stop and get me flowers on the way home from work, that was great! If he wanted to get me a little surprise present, card, note, whatever, because HE wanted to do it, not because he was told to do it, that’s what I wanted, that’s what made me feel special. And we did have a lot of those moments, where I’d get flowers for no reason, other than he had stopped and gotten them to say he loved me. Or he would get me yummy somewhere and surprise me when he got home. Or we would write notes and hide them, I used to hide them in his lunch every so often (can’t make it an expectation, have to make it a surprise), or inside his clothes in a suitcase when he travelled, or in his laptop so when he opened it, there it was. He would hide them in my drawers/clothes, in my wallet, in the kitchen drawers, you get the idea. This made it special, very special, this put a smile on my face (and I’m sure his too) and totally made my day. It was that totally unexpected “I love you”, out of the blue, it would make my day.
Though, I do have to tell you the story of our first Valentine’s Day, a lot of people know it, because I tell it every time I say we don’t celebrate, but I love this story. Like I said, we were engaged just about a month, and had been together for about nine months, he knew me very well already. I told him how I didn’t want to celebrate, I told him why, he understood and agreed. So, Valentine’s Day comes around and Aires shows up with a big pink chocolates heart. I looked, I smiled, I said thank you, I said I thought we had talked about this, I though, this dude needs some working on, he needs to listen! I looked at him while I was talking and I could see this little naughty smile on his face. I opened the heart and it was full of Twix! I love Twix, it’s my favorite chocolate bar! He had bought the heart, taken out all the little chocolates that were in it and filled it with Twix. I knew then I had someone very special, very thoughtful, very loving. And let me tell you, I felt very very special! He said that because it was our first Valentine’s Day and I was his girl, he didn’t want to let it go by without letting me know how much I was loved. But because I didn’t want to celebrate because the whole day was fake, he decided to figure out a way that we could both be happy.
Once we had the boys, we started to celebrate for them, they always got cards and candy hearts and a present. It’s different with the kids, they’re young, they don’t understand, and it’s all around them, I didn’t want to not celebrate. Now that they’re older they understand, a few years back we started to explain why they got presents, but mommy didn’t. We celebrated as a family, we started always going to dinner and the movies.
Of course today wasn’t all fun and games, after all, though we didn’t celebrate, he was my Valentine, I had him here with me, we just celebrated differently, different times, but he was here. Of course I was sad that I was celebrating with the boys, but no daddy. Of course the day felt very alone, they all do. However, compared to other firsts, this was the easiest one so far.
Thank you to all the friends who came by and dropped off sweet yummies for us, the boys were very excited about all of them!!! And once again it made us feel very special and loved.