Bitter sweet

Jake and I were going through some albums, the old old ones, from when we were “young and skinny”!!!!, that is according to Jake ūüôā

He kept asking me why I took so many pictures of just us, here and there, and nowhere, but so many pictures.  And why did I want a picture of everything!

Now, now is why I wanted all those pictures. ¬†At the time, I didn’t think that’s why I wanted them, at the time I just wanted to document everything we did so that when we had kids we could show them what mommy and daddy looked like when they first got married, and the things mommy and daddy did before they came along.

But now, now I’m glad I have all those pictures, all those memories, all those smiles and tears at the same time. ¬†Those pictures, just like our house, are all bitter sweet. ¬†It hurts because everywhere I turn in this house, there are memories, which make me miss Aires so much more. ¬†But at the same time, those memories are all I have now, and they are wonderful memories. ¬†Even the ones that aren’t as nice, or as good, they’re still wonderful memories. ¬†Because they are what made us, us.

Our life was wonderful, because a long time ago I realized that life doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful. ¬†We had our ups and downs, people grow, they go through stages, life wasn’t great all the time. ¬†I don’t think anyone has perfect all the time, that would be weird, something would be wrong. ¬†But it was mostly good, it was great, it was wonderful.

Memories, pictures, the voices inside my head, that’s all I have left. ¬†They are wonderful, other than my kids, who are a real, a tangible part of Aires, the memories are my hold to what was, and was the best. ¬†It was my fairytale, it was my happy as can be, it was my love of a lifetime, it was my one and only. ¬†I couldn’t ask for more, I had what so many people look for all their lives. ¬†I didn’t settle, I married my one true love, I had a wonderful life with him, and I had to give him back way too early.

Though bitter sweet, these memories, I wouldn’t change them for anything.

(Our honeymoon)


One thought on “Bitter sweet”

  1. So true that life doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful. Praying for you, as you continue to live with such a huge loss in your life.

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