Today was an all over day. I had to go see the financial advisor and sign the papers to start our relationship with the firm. Then I ran to Fairfax Hospital to get a copy of the medical records. Driving to the hospital, parking in the same garage, walking in the same hallways, brought back a slew of emotions that I was not ready for. Thankfully it’s not a strange thing to see people crying going up and down the hallways of hospitals. It was just too much, too many emotions at once, I couldn’t deal, so I had to shut down, pretend it wasn’t happening. I had to go into my la-la land where all is okay, all is doable, all is normal.
After crying several times on the way home, I felt a little better, a little more like I could manage the day. I had to get a couple more things gone in the afternoon, when I was about to make the last phone call of the day, I had to stop. I just couldn’t do it. It’ll have to wait. The words “my husband passed away almost two months ago”, just weren’t coming out of my mouth anymore, I couldn’t utter them anymore. I was done, so I left it where it was, the papers are still on the desk, waiting for me to go back tomorrow. The things that I will have to go do tomorrow, are sitting and waiting until tomorrow, there was nothing else I could do today. My body and brain literally froze, they were done, wouldn’t move anymore, there was overload going on in there, things had to be processed before continuing.
My body gave out, I had to take a nap, like I said before, being tired is the worst that can happen to me, I become week and vulnerable, and I have to shut down. But then today was playgroup reunion. The moms got together and started talking as if we were not apart for a long time, like some of them hadn’t seen each other for years. It’s like it was just yesterday that we were all sitting on the floor of one of our homes and the older kids were just learning to crawl! Having the girl time did me good. I’m sure the vodka had a lot to do with it, but there’s something about girl time, and laughing at the silly stuff, spending hours talking, hanging out, and feeling the support of everyone even when it’s not spoken aloud. That is the best, the comfort that comes from all this is indescribable. To see my kids hang out with friends they don’t remember, but they still get along and gel so good together, it’s awesome1
I will continue to say, no matter the malady, the best remedy is my girls. And I’m so lucky to have so many girls, so many different groups of friends who are there for us, and are praying for us, and keeping us in their thoughts, their positive thoughts. I’m now relaxed, I can go to sleep and not be extremely stressed. I can definitely say that I will go to bed, I will sleep well all night and I will wake up refreshed and ready to face another day.
All day I kept thinking of the get together tonight, no matter how hard it was, all the things that were going through my brain, I knew the playgroup reunion, seeing all the kids all grown up and seeing all the moms who have been part of my life for the last 12 years, would make for a better end of day, than the beginning had been. It was true, the end of the day was great. I’m thankful for friends and friends who are not just like family, they are family.